I released Buffy this morning. It was so hard to do, but I did it anyway.
I set the carrier outside on the ground, facing the area where I feed her, to orient her. I left the carrier closed for a minute so she could feel the breeze and possibly register where we were, then I opened the door. She sat there for a minute and then she bolted. It'll probably be a while before I see her again. She'll try to keep out of my sights until she no longer remembers my audacity in grabbing her like I did.
My brain knows this is best for her. She won't be happy inside and I already have a full house of completely indoor cats and there just isn't room for one more. Still my
heart wants to keep her and work on socializing her.
I keep telling
myself I've done everything I possibly can to give her the best possible chance of survival. I had her spayed and got her shots. She's been dewormed and given flea meds. I'll continue to feed her and give her water, but she's just so little still. They said five months at the Humane Society, which according to most rescue organizations is past the age of socialization.
Five months in kitten-world though is still little, and I'm thinking she's fairly small for her age as well. I just hope she makes it through the winter. I'm not
the right person to do this whole TNR thing (Trap-Neuter-Release), at
least with kittens. When they're full-grown adults, it's not a problem
for me. But when they're kittens, I feel so cruel not investing the
time to socialize them because I know from personal experience that it's not about the age of the kitten. It's simply about the patience and effort you're willing to invest in the process of socializing them.