Skittles

Skittles has been a part of my household for one month now.  She is mostly hanging out in my back bedroom.  I keep the lights low and try to spend time in the room every morning and every evening.

She's come out from beneath the dresser, which is a huge improvement. She now hides in the cat tree, which makes her accessible to me in a way she wasn't while under the dresser.

She gives me a  tiny hiss as I approach the tree.  I kneel down slowly and gently reach in and pet her. She hisses a couple times, but never scratches and never bites.  A few seconds of petting and she starts to purr. She loves the attention, but still does not quite trust that I will not hurt her. 

Of course not.

I'm the one who trapped her mother and sister nine months ago. I'm the one who failed to trap her, who left her outside to fend for herself. I'm the one who seven months later trapped her three kittens and then trapped her.  I'm the one who carted her kittens away and never brought them back. I'm the one who had her spayed.  I'm the one who's keeping her trapped in this darkened room and I'm the one who insists on petting her, every single morning and every single night. I'm also the one who brings her food and who makes her purr, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm the one who stole away her mother and her sister and later her three babies.  I'm the one who represents everything she's ever lost.

How much of this information is pure instinct and how much of it is true understanding? How much of this does she truly know or remember? Will she ever trust me enough to not hiss when I approach? Will she ever trust me enough to sit on my lap?  I am uncertain. Every day is one big question. How do I show her that she is safe?  How do I make her happy? How do I transform her life into one of safety and love?