Skittles has been a part of my household for one month now. She is
mostly hanging out in my back bedroom. I keep the lights low and try to
spend time in the room every morning and every evening.
She's come out from beneath the dresser, which is a huge improvement. She now hides in the cat tree, which makes her accessible to me in a way she wasn't while under the dresser.
She gives me a tiny hiss as I approach the tree. I kneel down
slowly and gently reach in and pet her. She hisses a couple times, but
never scratches and never bites. A few seconds of petting and she
starts to purr. She loves the attention, but still does not quite trust
that I will not hurt her.
Of course not.
I'm the one who trapped her mother and sister nine months ago. I'm
the one who failed to trap her, who left her outside to fend for
herself. I'm the one who seven months later trapped her three kittens
and then trapped her. I'm the one who carted her kittens away and
never brought them back. I'm the one who had her spayed. I'm the one
who's keeping her trapped in this darkened room and I'm the one who
insists on petting her, every single morning and every single night. I'm also the one who brings her food and who makes her purr, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm the one who stole away her mother and her sister and later
her three babies. I'm the one who represents everything she's ever
lost.
How much of this information is pure instinct and how much of it is
true understanding? How much of this does she truly know or remember?
Will she ever trust me enough to not hiss when I approach? Will she ever
trust me enough to sit on my lap? I am uncertain. Every day is one big
question. How do I show her that she is safe? How do I make her happy? How do I transform her life into one of safety and love?
